Apple Picking Is Only Romantic for White People - Cristela Alonzo

  • Published: 10 August 2019
  • Cristela Alonzo explains why she isn’t into apple picking and suggests that rappers boast about buying more practical, everyday things.

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Comments • 299

  • C. Bishop Davis
    C. Bishop Davis  5 hours back

    her delivery reminds me of gabriel inglesias

    • Geno J
      Geno J  11 hours back

      Someone summoned the crowd to wake up!

      Those knowledgeable on the benefits of 'the apple' would rather pick them than buy America ( *depending on*

      • Tim Smith
        Tim Smith  24 hours back

        Bitch has never picked a apple in her life

        • Kira Dot
          Kira Dot  1 days back

          Welp. I feel attacked. 3:15

          • NoVaKane
            NoVaKane  1 days back

            Oh race.. how original

            • MelanesianPearl
              MelanesianPearl  1 days back

              That last bit though 😂😂

              • Anna Shadows
                Anna Shadows  2 days back

                Love her, I wish she got a second season for her TV show it was my family’s favorite thing to watch together.

              • Marie Blade
                Marie Blade  2 days back

                2am and trying not to laugh too loudly so that I don't wake up my family...🤭 I might have failed 😂

                • Jose Rivera
                  Jose Rivera  2 days back

                  I gave this a shot. I didn't laugh once.

                  • resortpoint
                    resortpoint  3 days back

                    She’s not funny at all. Painful to watch.

                    • MrGrombie
                      MrGrombie  3 days back

                      Talking about not wanting to do any work, and then gets winded after laying down? No wonder why you're a comedian. Lol

                      • meagan dorsey
                        meagan dorsey  3 days back

                        Is it bad that I’ve always liked breakup songs and mocked love songs. Like I already have a breakup song in mind when I am on the first date Hehehe probably a little nihilistic but I’m a realist hehe.

                        • Jay Es
                          Jay Es  4 days back

                          We got lateenas

                          • RatIsDrowning *insert teardrop emoji*

                            mexicans are white lool

                            • Hlengiwe Zungu
                              Hlengiwe Zungu  4 days back

                              Pick some apples😂😂

                              • LADY DAY May
                                LADY DAY May  5 days back

                                When will she be funny?

                                • digital subliminal messages

                                  S T O P. R A P E I N G. B A B I E S
                                  Its just eating for the rest of us// //comm, it's a good ideal/its actually a mutual fund // it'll be ...nice// // haa/ they might

                                  • Recusant BilE
                                    Recusant BilE  5 days back

                                    Is it ok to talk like someone from another race?

                                    • Sergeant Gunny Gaming
                                      Sergeant Gunny Gaming  5 days back

                                      White boy here and I just wanna say apple picking sounds boring AF, but I'm not all that romantic and shit anyway...

                                      • Jabez Sembegere
                                        Jabez Sembegere  5 days back


                                        • ElleinElle08
                                          ElleinElle08  5 days back

                                          She’s Hilarious 😆😂😆

                                          • jr guzman
                                            jr guzman  6 days back


                                            • Cyn L.P
                                              Cyn L.P  6 days back

                                              I was dating this guy and at the time I as obsessed with Boston by Augustana and he goes “is that our song? Does it remind you of me?” I’m like “no 😐” we had only been dating for like a week. Calm your ass down.

                                              • Arthur Sprong
                                                Arthur Sprong  6 days back

                                                This is also why you don't take someone from Bangladesh on a romantic build-a-bear date.

                                              • Eric Pro
                                                Eric Pro  6 days back

                                                Hey look another video aimed at poking fun at white people... greaaaatttt...

                                                • sick little monkey
                                                  sick little monkey  7 days back

                                                  My sister is bi-polar when her meds would get out of balance she'd play VICTIM OF LOVE by the Eagles 19 times in a row 😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

                                                  • Bi- Han
                                                    Bi- Han  7 days back


                                                    • Mr. GiveMeJESUS No Lies Allowed

                                                      I like her...She's hilarious!!!

                                                      • chance2413
                                                        chance2413  1 weeks back

                                                        She is not funny

                                                        • Jay B
                                                          Jay B  1 weeks back

                                                          I’m white & tbh White people jokes only are funny and go well when black Americans do it seems so fake when anybody else does it tbh & is it me or does it seem like everyone’s trying to be like black Americans

                                                          • ROC ROC
                                                            ROC ROC  1 weeks back

                                                            Not hating but this was awful.

                                                            • Geo FuegoTM
                                                              Geo FuegoTM  1 weeks back

                                                              Bitch is wack

                                                              • Freddy
                                                                Freddy  1 weeks back

                                                                Hispanics treat blacks like shit..fuck them

                                                              • First Last
                                                                First Last  1 weeks back

                                                                Who cares haha

                                                                • dark knight
                                                                  dark knight  1 weeks back

                                                                  Jay z dont sing bout that shit

                                                                  • Diogo Sales
                                                                    Diogo Sales  1 weeks back

                                                                    That's how it's done ladies and gentlemen.
                                                                    She's funny but she doesn't need to talk about her pussy or sex.

                                                                    • sentbackfrom2084
                                                                      sentbackfrom2084  1 weeks back

                                                                      This woke comedy central every joke is about race bullshit just is not funny.

                                                                      • EVAN ELDRICH NKUBA
                                                                        EVAN ELDRICH NKUBA  1 weeks back

                                                                        *You can always pawn the Diamonds for cash...boom mind blown!*

                                                                        • yoc land
                                                                          yoc land  1 weeks back

                                                                          I didnt even chuckle, not once. Wtf is so funny?

                                                                          • kalo gucake
                                                                            kalo gucake  1 weeks back

                                                                            The love song part is true 😁😂😭🤭

                                                                            • Treece
                                                                              Treece  1 weeks back


                                                                              • Manuel Gonzalez
                                                                                Manuel Gonzalez  1 weeks back

                                                                                Not funny

                                                                                • mark moton
                                                                                  mark moton  1 weeks back

                                                                                  Her show was good they should of gave it one more season.

                                                                                  • Ilikebeaversandeaglesupyourass

                                                                                    Oh look! More identitarian jokes. Race jokes hit their high watermark back in 2003. Yawn

                                                                                    • David T.
                                                                                      David T.  1 weeks back

                                                                                      I laughed at some of Cristela Alonzo's jokes also. But,all rap music isn't the same Cristela.

                                                                                      • T Co
                                                                                        T Co  7 days back

                                                                                        she did say half tho

                                                                                    • Andrew Cutajar
                                                                                      Andrew Cutajar  1 weeks back

                                                                                      This must be an American thing. I'm from Europe and I don't know anybody who goes apple picking

                                                                                      • J. Schuette
                                                                                        J. Schuette  4 hours back

                                                                                        Danielle Spargo Danielle Spargo Danielle Spargo To be truthful: I always forget what differentiates marmelade and the other kinds of fruity breadspreads. So I simply used "marmelade" as a hypernym/umbrella term, as I often do in German. The correct word for the specific thing I mean in this case is "Gelee", but I don't know how to translate it. It's kinda defined by it's consistency which is smooth and without any fruitpieces in it. Which I think is achieved by using just fruit juice instead of using whole fruits. And this "Apfelgelee" is usually made with just apples. Other fruits are only sometimes mixed and then what I think is used most is a fruit called "Quitte".You're actually kinda right about the rind thing. I've often seen a little cinnamon stick being put into the "Apfelgelee".
                                                                                        Also I have to say: Your idea for an apple-orange-marmelade sounds really taste-worthy. I think I'm gonna try making that.

                                                                                        And this grape-picking-and-stomping-while-drinking-wine-date-buisness sounds really awesome! I wish we had something like this here. But even if it exists in Germany - which, no idea - I live too far north, so no chance for that.
                                                                                        I'm also curious about the logistics of the whole date: Do you do the stomping thing the whole time and have a table with your wine nearby? Or do you take breaks in between?

                                                                                      • Danielle Spargo
                                                                                        Danielle Spargo  10 hours back

                                                                                        J. Schuette
                                                                                        Apple marmalade? That sounds delicious! Does it also have oranges in it? Or is it pure apple? It so, what makes it a marmalade and not a jam? I thought marmalade was just the orange jam with a candied rind in it. Maybe I'm wrong though lol but an orange and apple marmalade sounds amazing!

                                                                                        In South Africa we used to go grape and strawberry picking. The grape picking is usually on the vinyards and you can stomp the grapes to make wine, all while drinking lots of wine. It's a great time, and an awesome date place. The one by my old house in South Africa had this nice little restaurant that would pair different cheeses with different wines and do it in several courses. I'm sure they probably have something similar in Europe, at least maybe in France or Italy. There's probably olive picking in Italy too. Mmmm olive oil

                                                                                      • J. Schuette
                                                                                        J. Schuette  3 days back

                                                                                        Andrew Cutajar Also from Europe, and I do - my grandparents. For marmelade.

                                                                                    • Marcos Sealey
                                                                                      Marcos Sealey  1 weeks back

                                                                                      YUP SHE'S NOT FUNNY...LEAVE IT TO THE BROTHERS....NEXT

                                                                                      • Gabriela Lara
                                                                                        Gabriela Lara  1 weeks back

                                                                                        This shit here!!! Omg I 💗💗💗💗😂